=(

I thought we were friends.


But on the brightside, don't you love it when you read your horoscope from yesterday and realized everything it said was true?

Vocabulary of the Day-
bittersweet- pleasure mingled with pain.

Screw that. YOU are the definition of bittersweet.

"To Drunk to F*ck"

---I love Nouvelle Vague---

I feel amazing tonight. I'm spinning on high. Just good. Kind of a surprise over how intense yesterday was. Despite the anti-climatic ending.

*me*driving*
mom "you know i was watching a CNN story about a mother who strangled her daughter to death"
*me*still*driving* "why?"
mom "the daughter used to be such a good girl, then she started doing bad things, and the mom just couldn't deal with it anymore"
*silence*
aleena "put my princess CD on?"

I guess, being caught always seems worse in our heads. I mean, of all the things I get caught for, it never causes consequences as bad as I imagine.

I played matchmaker for them. Finally helped her find her balls, and now they're in the hands of the juggler! So, despite the fact that I no longer have a prom date, which will be a disappointment to my dear mother, I'm extrememly happy that she does. I was never the type to want one anyway. And they're gonna look so awkwardly cute together. I'm even more excited for prom now, then I was before.

And, today, I took it in doses. Thought about it constantly, but just had tiny drops here and there. I'm used to gulping down. That worries me a little bit. What if it means that I'm going to start weaning off of it. I would hate that. But, of course, I'm an overanalyzer. It doesn't mean anything. I know I won't stop wanting it, and I hope I don't stop getting it for a long time. There's not indication to worry yet. Regardless, I just wanted to say, I'm still ecstatic. So damn happy, it's weird.

Yeah, tonight was a good night.

=)

I wanna be in California.

You're indescribable.

3 hrs and 40 minutes. and then my mom came home.

...shawty, whacha name is?...

Hello, there. *sits*up*straighter*adjusts*inconspicuous*glasses* so.... *nose/moustache*wiggle* what to talk about?

Averagely amazing day, followed by a horrible afternoon. But what else is new? It steals my motivation, you know?

We are teenagers, we don't know our souls
and because we are still testing our limits
we don't see what is right in front of our faces.
We don't realize what we have
and we have no idea how to appreciate it
or what is worth appreciating.

Then you see a face you didn't expect to see,
you didn't think you'd ever see again
you didn't think about at all.
And even though it's far away
it's still in reach
so you really want to know more.

But words don't mean as much as they used to,
they never can with the changes that have occurred,
no one ever admits that.
So, when there are words that fly to your heart
you don't even realize that they are present
until they are in your mind all the time.

flip the switch
~smiling girl
flip the switch
~studious girl
flip the switch
~embarrassed girl
flip the switch
~laughing girl
flip the switch
~scared girl
flip the switch
~angry girl
flip the switch
~cutting girl
flip the switch
~she's completely alone.



Leave me alone... ?

I've been waiting for you...

8:09pm - 51 min. 54 sec.
9:01pm - 10 min. 59 sec.
9:32pm - 1 hr. 31 min. 40 sec.


nice, but such a scary word.

"Crazy Bitch"

---I love Buckcherry---

It was would be crazy, hateful, passionate, and violent. The sex would be great. Unhealthy. Everything I would think I wanted, but nothing that I needed. Self-destructive. Just like I like it.

Too bad it can't happen. My imagination runs wild.

"Underdog"

---I love the Jonas Brothers---

You say it, but then you don't mean it
You say you wanna have it and feel it and hold it
But all I can offer is a cheap imitation.
Open up to close all the doors.
Why go searching for something you don't know you don't have?
In a house of mirrors that I've built just for you
Don't you feel lonely, baby, or just a happy fool?
Never satisfied, never satiated, I want to bite through your skin.

I hurt today. So, I guess I haven't been sharing my feelings like I used to. I used to post these long poetic, meaningful posts, that made me feel like I'd just shared the whole world, now I have little one liners, that confuse even me. But everything confuses me. I hurt today.

Will things ever get better? I feel so immature, so stupid, so worthless, like a complaining spoiled brat when I think things like that. I have nothing to complain about. My life is good. I have what ppl beg for. I have a family, friends, a house, oppurtunities in front of me. Why can't I take advantage of them? Or better yet, why do I keep taking advantage of them in the worst ways? I hurt so bad, but what's the point in saying it, since I can't say why.

Tear me apart, break me down, make me hurt, please. Please. They say I can't do it to myself anymore.

I bought a scar fader the other day. I guess it'd be bad if I added new scars today. It would make it a waste of money, wouldn't it?

I hate myself sometimes.

And, I hurt today.

P.S. If you promise not to tell anyone, I can tell you a secret. Sometimes I wish he were real.

u know i love you babygirl.

*droop*

he calls me funny names in spanish and says i'm nasty hot.

Whatever.

Fuck you.

"One Less Lonely Girl"

---I love Justin Bieber---

I know I spend ALOT of time complaining on here, but what I don't do enough is talk about how freakin' amazing my friends are. Today, I just realized I am SOOOO thankful for all of them, it's unbelievable. It took a lot of hurt, but somehow I ended up with the best/most amazing group ever imaginable. I mean, how did I find such a caring, non-judgemental, funny and damn crazy group of friends?!

Well, even though they'll never see this, just wanted to share how appreciative I am of them.

To: Nowsheen, Nadine, Jackie, Sam, Sylva, Francisco, Roxanne and Logan, and whoever else I must've forgotten, I LOVE YOU GUYS!

"Hold That Sound"

---I love .Moneen.---

Thank goodness I get over guys easily. Time to start over.

I love you.
No, you don't.
Okay, but I like you alot.

"Do Not Disturb (Tell Me How Bad)"

---I love Let's Get It---

... and I love going to shows. Last night was good. And he was really hot. REALLY hot. I can't believe he recognized me. Hopefully a good thing, but it probably means nothing. I mean, I'm realistic, so I recognize it probably means nothing, but I can dream. And I can work on it. Hopefully, with a little effort, I can actually get to know him... and get more than a hug. >.< But I don't have much time. Everything started just a little too late. My whole life. Or maybe a little too early. Sometimes I think the wrong Alyssa is living the perfect life, but we won't go there. Maybe she deserves it. She does deserve it. Even if she is a stuck-up poser.

Dead Snow

I love Nazi zombies.
I hate ppl making me feel guilty.
I love talking to new people.
I hate awkward, unnecessary compliments.
I hate talking about what's wrong.
I love you.

"I Am Not a Whore"

---I love LMFAO---

but today is about 3OH!3...

And if I was a rich man,
I'd never been to sea,
Could I take you anyways,
Would you come with me, baby?
And if I was a sick man,
I'd never meant to be,
Would you love me anyways,
And would you marry me?

Today was a freakin' amazing day. Like seriously. Forizzle.

And, on that topic, I'm a commitmentphobe. Did you guys know that? I didn't! But I am. I guess I should've realized that, since the only person I could ever even picture myself married to is Nat. And even though I love tattoos. Hello commitmentphobia!

Well, I guess I'll go back to my convo to a stranger about his love of bondage.

Have a nice day, y'all.