"Marvelous Things"

---I love Eisley---

"I love you"
*awkward*silence*
"Let's just pretend you didn't say that"
"No. I love you, Alyssa"
I hate when people use those naughty words.

Yesterday I was excited. Today, I'm not.

So, this morning I gave my mom her mother's day gift, and she cried, in a good way. She's truly dreading next year. No one wants to be alone.

I went to a psychic last night. It was intense. She says I have a dark aura, that I was born with a very light one but it's darkened over the years, but I can fix that, and that my life will be wonderful. It sounds amazing. Once I get my career going, money will never be a problem, I'll meet my soulmate, he'll be financially well off, I'll only marry once and have four kids (3 boys and a girl). It sounds nice. It sounds so different from my life now. So normal and perfect and pleasant. She said that as soon as I get there with not much trouble Mount Holyoke will become my home. I will fit in and find friends, and be happy. I just need to fix my damn aura. She said that I'm a sensitive person. I care more about others than myself. I want to help everyone but will never ask for help. I internalize things way too easily. That I make everyone else's problems my own. That I'm a natural born worrier. I never talk about what's wrong, and that bubbles within me, causing me to have a lot of anger. I don't trust people, and won't let them in, and because I put up such a wall, people back down, making me believe that no one loves me or that I'm unloveable, but that's untrue. I'm filled with insecurity and all the worst problems in my life come from within. I'll always have a rocky relationship with my mother, but we'll work through that. I'll have a falling out with someone in my family, but despite this, I'll be happier without them in my life. And, all those guys in my life I get bored of? It's actually a good thing. See, it doesn't matter that I go through guys so easily, moving from one to the next, because none of them really matter bcuz none are my soulmate. It's okay to have fun. Oh, and there's a shy boy who has his eye on me. He's not my soulmate, but I should give him a chance for now. In the future, the way that I know that my soulmate has truly be found is because it happens naturally, and I'm not scared. I'll die of old age. I have nothing to worry about. Everything will work out.

I personally think I've gotten quite a good deal here. I mean, other than the popping out four aliens out of my vagina! My goodness! But yeah, it all sounds so perfect. Better than my sister who left her soulmate to marry a guy she could never love as much, or my other sister who may soon lose her soulmate to black magic. Yeah, I got a pretty good deal. Too bad I don't believe in psychics.

...Oh what marvelous things, but they are, they are, they are giving me the creeps...