"If I Could Go"

---I love Angie Martinez---

Okay, no I don't. I know one song by her, and I really like it, but not enough for me to look her up, so I bet the rest of her songs suck. Just saying.

My sister is visiting, and she's amazing. Like the person that I like best in my family, other than my cat. She's like one of the best people in my life. She's the farthest from flawess, but that's part of her charm. She's actually one of the most flawed people I know, but she's strong. Digressing, as usual. The point is, she's here, and that's good. But with everything good, there are always some downsides. The most unbearable from me is her judging. She thinks she can judge me, and it's driving me crazy. Her little comments, it's drives me crazy. Not as much as The Frog, of course, but it makes me hate myself even more.

You should be studying.

-You're right, but it's hopeless at this point.

Don't say that, think positive. Besides you HAVE to pass.

-I realize that, but I've been studying all day.

Sure you have...

You shouldn't associate yourself with people like that.

-He makes me happy.

You know he stopped talking to you because you bore him.

-Yeah, I realize that....

You shouldn't blog, it's so pointless.

-I would diary, but you kinda took that from me when you read it.

Okay, that was harsh. She didn't take it from me. But dude, she just sweeps in and judges my entire way of life.

I feel suffocated. My room is my space, and I love spending time with her, but sometimes I need time alone, and my room is MY space. I'm used to having nobody in there for more than like 5 or 10 minutes, then I get all claustophobic, but she doesn't get that. She stays in my room on the laptop for hours, and it just makes me feel all clustered. If we could just move the laptop into her room and do that exact same thing, I'm fine, just my room, it's mine, I don't want anyone in there... maybe it's because it's the darkest room in the house, and the smallest. I did that on purpose, it makes me feel safe when I'm alone. But that doesn't work when she is there invading it.

Oh, and dude, on the phone yesterday! Arrrggghhhh!!!! I can't believe she'd say all that while I was on the phone with him. I don't talk about him with almost anyone, but when she asks direct questions I can't lie to her. She always knows. She can always tell. So, she knows about him. But I don't want him to know that. I don't want him to know that I talk about him. How weird is that? Very weird.

And as the summer approaches, I feel that same anxiousness as always. My future seems so uncertain. It feels like everything is moving so slow in my life, while at the same time, life is just zooming by and I'm missing out on EVERYTHING. I just want things to start already.

It scares me that I'm losing her sooner than I thought. I don't want her to go yet. I really don't want her to go yet. I counted on this summer, and now it just feels like it's been snatched away.

But this is nothing to sweat over now. Life is good.

Life is good.

...If I could go with you, contigo, I'll pack my things, soon as you say, Baby vamos, we'll fly away, like there is no, no tomorrow...