"Moving for the Sake of Motion"

---I love Underoath---


The words in my diary,
they hurt so much I can barely stand them
But I'll give them all to you
If that's what you ask for.

So, why is it that whenever you expect too much from people, they always let you down, but when you expect too little, you get nothing at all? I'm tired of recycled ideas, recycled conversations, and recycled emotions. He told me to look back at that moment I changed, it was a really obvious shift, maybe if I could trace it, I could find the root of my problems, I could be the old me again. He thinks they changed me, or maybe made me want to change myself. Well, maybe it has nothing to do with them. Maybe the old me is gone. Maybe this is who I really am, and I was tired of faking, pretending that I cared or that I was satisfied. Maybe THEY didn't change me at all; maybe they just happened to be there to witness my fall, so that I'd have people to drag down with me. You don't think I'd let myself fall alone, did you? Regardless, why did you even bring them into this? Why does everyone bring them into this? Do you all honestly think I'm that great girl you claim that I can be? Because, honestly, I don't even know anymore. I mean, maybe I should be trying harder to listen to your advice. You're just trying to help me survive. Or maybe the pep talk was to ease your own conscience. I don't know. I can't even think through an entire thought right now. I'm just tired.

I remember when I used to be so good at reading people, I miss it.
Lol, don't. You can't go back. This is who you are now. It'll change, but you'll never see it coming, so don't bother to try holding your breath for it.
Maybe I should warn people that I'm a bad mood before they ask for advice...