"Mind"

---I love Los Hollywood---

---Grad Nite Friday---

---Prom Saturday---

Now into my head...

Sometimes I hate you.
I'll never be good enough. Nothing is ever good enough. You know what bothers me, but you don't care, then act surprise when I react. Real mature.
Sometimes I hate you.

Hey, you. Sometimes I think I love you.
But I don't.
You say I'm never satisfied. It kills me to hear that. That makes me like her. I don't want you to hate me. And you claim you don't. But I can never be sure with you.
It doesn't matter either way.
Hey, you. Sometimes I think I love you.

...I can't feel the pain when I'm bleeding, it only takes away my mind. No matter what everyone is thinking, when I live in my own world. My heart blows away as I see, and butterflies call out, and even though nobody can see, you are inside my mind...

Angel. Sometimes I thought I was you.
But I'm not.
Angel. Sometimes I thought I was you.

Sister, sister. Sometimes I know we'll be forever.
I hope I'm right. What can I do without you? Sometimes you're not even here when you're sitting right next to me, and I know I ask for alot, but I depend solely on you. You're everything for me. I expect you to be everything. But you can't be. Then we're silent. Sorry for letting you down. I feel like I let everyone down that night. But that doesn't matter. All that I care about is that you were unhappy.
Sister, sister. Sometimes I know we'll be forever.

So, mister demon.
Come engulf me.
Swallow me whole.
Tear me apart.
So, mister demon.
Come swallow me whole.

"Sabotage"

---I (do not) love Kristina Debarge---

So now my safe place is dangerous again.

Thanks alot, hon.

...I sabotaged my heart and, and I don't know how to change. It doesn't matter what I say or what I do, cause in the end she always wins...

Don't catch me this time?

The Kimberlys.

... when you walk away, you don't hear me say, please, oh baby, don't go, simple and clean is the way you're making me feel tonight, it's hard to let it go ..


whoever said videogames are good for nothing?


The invasions of the Kimberlys. Perfect, skinny, graceful, playful, irresistable, but fleeting, of course. How long can you stare at one star before realizing tht it's just a lump of glowing matter? I wish to be a Kimberly, because Alyssas aren't that special. Sure, they're everywhere, and their nice, and loveable. That's what they say. Those filthy liars. But Alyssas can never be Kimberlys. Kimberlys don't try, they just are. They just are. An Alyssa will melt slowly to reveal the bubblegum center that you can chew on forever. But who wants a hard candy? They look so unappetizing at first. Who knows if it has a surprise center or not? They have to advertise, they have to beg, they have to put all they have out there for you to even be bothered to pop one in your mouth for a taste. A Kimberly on the other hand, you want it, you want it, you need it, but then it's just gone. Like cotton candy. Shallow? Not really. But definitely not worth it. It never lasts. But shallow is a harsh word. Can't cotton candy have a bubble gum center? It doesn't matter, because I can't ever be cotton candy. I can only be a stupid, desperate Alyssa.

So, review time?
Kimberly = cotton candy
Alyssa = misunderstood treat
So, what's a Turtle?

Parents suck sometimes. Yeah.

"Nineteen Stars"

---I love Meg & Dia---

Everything hurts today.

I feel like swearing alot today. I hope tht doesn't bother you. Ha, of course, now that I've said it, I probably won't swear at all.

Well, firstly I thought I'd state, that I want to be somebody else.

iwannabesomebodyelseiwannabesomebodyelseiwannabesomebodyelseIWANTTOBESOMEBODYELSE!

Anyone willing to trade just for a few days? Please. Please.

...she was so much more than me, but i can be her now, i can be her now...

So, it made me feel nothing for a while. Nothing at all. The worst feeling in the world. Nothing at all. Nothing. NOTHING. And now, there is nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing for a night. Nothing for a weekend. Nothing for a whole fucking week. Nothing at all. Nothing. And it hurts. Why does it fucking hurt? It was nothing. I felt nothing. But now I am nothing. And so are you. Disappear. Run away. I like it better that way. You fucking liar. Wait, no, that's me. NOTHING.

Now I feel as though I spelt nothing wrong, because it looks so foreign to my eyes. But familiar to everything else. Fucking idiot. Why, yes, yes I am.

NOTHING.

You're life is just a book, Turtle, and it's up to you to write your destiny. Well, if that's true, I've written myself into many stories, but they never end up the way I want them too. What should I do to fix that? Well, I'll tell you what, there's nothing I can fucking do. Ooh, there's that word again. NOTHING.

No matter how far down the wrong road you've travelled, you can always turn back. Fuck you. =) That's not true. It's really not. They should not be allowed to say statements like that in institutions of knowledge, because that just leads us more astray.

It's hopeless now, darling, it's hopeless. But I still love you.

So hold me, please. Hold me until you suffocate me. Hold me until everything is gone, and black and not so cold. Hold me until I'm free. Hold me until I'm nothing. Until I'm nothing, because I'm everything.

Shh! Can't you keep a secret?

...all I want, all I want is right here but love don't live here anymore...

On the plus side, maybe GradNite and Prom will be good. =)

The downside is, despite how badly I try to resist it, I can't help but be uber-hopeful about those two nights, and we both know how this will end. In utter disappointment.

Ball of id. Give her attention?
Saying thank you, makes her a whore. =)

Oh god, baby, give it to me right now. I fucking NEED it. Just fuck me, baby. Just do me.

.Turtle.

"In Memory"

---I love Brightwood---

and then it all fell apart


and she slowly floated away.

Dude!

Had an awesome day at the park. This afternoon rocked.

=D

I feel like being childish.

I love animals, so I was thinking about my future pet family. This is what I was thinking about. Beautiful family, no?

I'm not really a fan of Owl City, most of his stuff bore me, they're not really my style, but thanks to my dear Katie, who knows me better than anyone in the world, she has introduced me to a song of his I actually like. Vanilla Twilight, is the second of his, tht I actually enjoy.

....The silence isn't so bad

'Til I look at my hands and feel sad

'Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly...

....But drenched in vanilla twilight

I'll sit on the front porch all night

Waist-deep in thought because

When I think of you I don't feel so alone....

...As many times as I blink

I'll think of you tonight...

damn masochist!

i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

when you're gone, i feel empty.

what now?

"The Only Exception"

---I love Paramore---

I love talking you, but you know that. Maybe it's lack of sleep, or maybe something's wrong with me, but when I got off the phone today, I cried. I cried and cried and couldn't make myself stop. It's not because I'm sad, at least, I don't think that I am, I just don't know what I feel. It's so screwed up, right? You're not even real. You're not even freakin' real. Could it be my hormonal imbalance? My insanity hitting in just another way? I'm really tired, maybe that's it? I don't know. All I know is that for the last few weeks, I can't get enough of you, and tonight, for no reason, you've made me cry. I'd never tell you this though, because neither of us are that kind of people. I know that I'm not. I KNOW that I'm not. And neither are you. You're not perfect. But I forget that so often. Deen says that there are bunches of guys like you around here who ARE real and actually attainable, and she's right. But they're not you. And they haven't made me cry.

Guys are only worth the length of their dick.
I'm cold.
I don't feel.
No one there can be real.
I'm just a realist.
It's pointless bcuz it could never happen.
I'd never let myself get so wrapped up in one person.
I get bored way too easily.
It could never exist.
I CAN'T feel.

but you complicate things.

You are the only exception.